Written by Remarkable Disability Services Co-Founder, Sam Sehter, M.Ed.
“Hi there – I’m calling to find out more about your program for my high functioning young adult.”
I get these calls all the time. Weekly, honestly.
And every time, I pause and say, “Can you help me understand what you mean by that?”
Not because I am trying to be rude. Not because I want to be controversial. Not because I think I am smarter or more enlightened. But because I genuinely do not know what that means.
“High functioning” is one of those labels that sounds helpful until you actually stop and think about it. High functioning compared to what? Compared to who? And in which areas of life?
If someone has a lot of language, is that what makes them “high functioning”? If they enjoy anime, reading, sports or history, does that qualify? If they can talk eloquently but cannot hold a job, manage emotions, maintain friendships, or build a healthy relationship, are they still “high functioning”? What are we actually measuring here?
Because here is what I see all the time. Young adults who can speak in full sentences but are completely overwhelmed by daily life. Young adults who know every detail about their favorite topic but cannot navigate conflict, rejection, or disappointment.
Labels like “high functioning” and “low functioning” flatten people into something they are not. They ignore the reality that functioning is not one thing. It is many things. Social skills, emotional regulation, independence, mental health, executive functioning, support needs, confidence, resilience. Someone can be strong in one area and need significant support in another. That does not make them high or low anything. It makes them human.
These labels often do more harm than good and can minimize real support needs or unfairly limit expectations. They can lead to people being denied services because they are “too capable” or underestimated because they are “not capable enough.”
I’m also often asked for program/service recommendations. And here’s the thing. When I was in school or participating in extracurricular activities, it was a mixed bag. I had friends with all different levels of knowledge, skills, and abilities. So why are we pretending that people with disabilities need to be contained to just being around others “like them”? I get it. You want to be challenged, to feel comfortable with peers, to be in a program that meets your needs and provides the right level of stimulation. But basing that on labels like “high functioning” or “low functioning” just doesn’t work.
And let’s be honest. If I were in a situation that made me uncomfortable or dysregulated, I certainly wouldn’t call myself “high functioning.” Anxious, waiting in crowded airport, getting ready to board a flight? I’d be the “lowest functioning” person you’d ever seen.
It’s especially harmful when parents use these terms for their kids. I see many young adult students adopting them to describe themselves or their peers, and it creates unnecessary hierarchies, shame, and confusion. Some of the most incredible lessons I’ve learned came from people who might be labeled “low functioning,” and I am endlessly grateful for them. I wince when I’m routinely asked “I’m thinking about joining Remarkable. Is there anyone at Remarkable high functioning like me?” This means that our young adults are being taught these labels, too. They are judging themselves and they are judging their peers.
So when someone tells me their child is “high functioning,” I will keep asking what that means and what that actually looks like in real life. Not to challenge them, but to understand the whole person.
At Remarkable, we care less about how someone appears/presents and more about what they need to thrive. That starts by letting go of terms that sound meaningful but really do not tell us anything at all.